“Holding Space” Transforms Personal Tragedy into Healing Resource

NEWBERG, Ore. — In May 2020, as the world grappled with the early waves of the COVID-19 pandemic, Hanna Laney and her husband, Brian Morgan, experienced an event that many do, but few speak about.

Recovering from a miscarriage the year prior, Laney and Morgan’s daughter, Kit, was born prematurely at 34 weeks. She passed away in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at St. Vincent Hospital three days after her birth. 

Amid profound grief and isolation, exacerbated by the pandemic, Laney found solace in meditation—a practice that would ultimately lead her to create a resource to help others navigate the harrowing experience of losing a child.

“The way I described how we felt when we left the hospital is we felt that we had just fallen off of a cliff,” Laney said. “We were just floating down and didn’t really have any energy to do anything. [Meditation] was something that I could do in my mind—it isn’t active per say, but it feels like you’re actually doing something. That meant a lot at that time.”

Recognizing the potential for her meditations to help others experiencing neonatal loss, Laney began compiling her meditations into a booklet. And then, what began as a personal coping mechanism soon evolved into Holding Space: Mourning meditations for miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss, an illustrated booklet of meditations and reflections. 

“It’s OK,” Laney writes on Holding Space’s opening page. “Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. This little guide isn’t magic. It won’t fix your loss. It won’t solve your grief. It’s simply a book of small moments you can take for yourself, written and offered by someone who has been where you are.”

Laney’s parents, also grieving the loss of their granddaughter, supported the project both emotionally and financially. They encouraged her to create, print, and share the booklet with others who might be struggling with similar pain. She created and printed the first edition of the booklets in January 2021.

“It was something constructive to focus on,” she said, adding that Holding Space acts as a way to honor Kit’s memory. “My parents really pushed me to get it out there, to help others.”

Initially, Laney shared the booklet with friends and family via social media and word of mouth. She learned that a friend of a friend helps run a foundation in Puyallup, Wash. called Baby Steps, which started to include Holding Space as a resource in their “Mama Box” for grieving mothers.  

“I put up a post that said, ‘I made these little booklets, and if it doesn’t apply to you, by all means, keep scrolling. But if it does apply to you, I’d love to send you a booklet free of charge,’” Laney said. “I actually got a lot of people either requesting one for themselves or a friend.”

She initially used a simple online design template to design Holding Space. As the booklet took shape and gained some traction, Laney reached out to Land and She, a Pennsylvania-based illustrator with whom she had worked before, to bring her vision to life. 

“I just messaged her and sent her the draft,” Laney said. “All the illustrations are her ideas, and they complement the meditations perfectly.” 

Last winter, Laney said she shipped a box of donations to Providence St. Vincent’s NICU unit and tucked a few booklets into the box for the nurses to provide to other grieving parents recovering from miscarriage, stillbirth, or postpartum loss. She established a relationship with the hospital organization, and they placed an order for more.

Today, Holding Space is available in some hospitals in Oregon and Washington, including Providence St. Vincent, Providence Portland, Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU).

“I never expected it to grow like this,” Laney said. “It started as something very personal, but it’s become a way to give back and help others who are going through the same thing.”

Looking ahead, Laney envisions expanding her work beyond the booklet. She hopes to establish a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting families who have experienced the loss of a child. The nonprofit would provide not only resources like Holding Space but also professional development and ongoing support for hospital staff to ensure that grieving families receive compassionate care. 

“I would like everyone to have the experience we had with our doctors and medical staff—they were amazing,” Laney said.

Her vision also includes the creation of a “grief retreat,” a sanctuary where families can go to heal after the loss of a child. Inspired by her own experience staying at a family member’s house for space and peace after Kit’s death, Laney hopes to offer a place where others can find solace, surrounded by nature and supported by a community that understands their pain. 

“I needed that space, and I think others do too,” she explained. “A place where you can go for free and just be, without any pressure to ‘move on.’ We were extremely lucky and privileged to have this as an option, and I think others should have the option as well.”

As Laney continues to share Holding Space with those in need, she remains committed to being a resource for others. She created a website, which includes a contact page inviting anyone who needs to talk, share their story, or seek guidance to reach out. 

“I am very upfront with people who have reached out to me in telling them that I’m not trained or anything like that,” she said. “But, I am a person that this happened to and I can relate. I say, jokingly, ‘I want to be the person you call when your baby dies,’ because sometimes you just need someone to listen and I’m happy to be that person.”

Laney and her husband welcomed their son to the world in late 2023. Born via surrogate, he was also born prematurely at 34 weeks—the same as Kit. After a short stay in the NICU and almost a year later, he is a happy, healthy nine-month-old. 

“My heart really goes out to everyone who experiences this,” Laney said. “It’s not just the moms, you know; it’s dads, parents, nonbinary parents, siblings, grandparents, friends—anybody. It affects everyone.

“The ripples from these situations go out and out, and you find you didn’t ask to join the club. But once you’re in the club, you find it’s full of some really good, helpful people.”

Holding Space is available digitally and in print to anyone who needs one. Learn more, see the full e-book, or request a free printed booklet at brownheartclub.com.